Inconceivable
by DeceivingAura
Summary: Lost, confused, determined- these were the emotions she felt on the first day of her life. She knew nothing, and yet far more than she should have. Arishima Shiori never should have known about "Hunter X Hunter", but she did. -Rated M for several dark themes.-
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 **Hey there! Welcome to my story! I sort of stink at introductions, but all you need to know is that I'm the writer of this fanfiction (amirite?). This is a re write of another HxH fanfiction that I wrote, but I will definitely update more regularly.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter, but merely my own characters.**

 _Drowning, drowning, drowning._

 _There is something that I desired. It lay at the very bottom, hidden by the darkness that is crushing it. My hand extended toward it, only to grapple at bare nothingness._

 _I was once told, I recalled, that zero means nothing, and nothing means zero. Nothing cannot be described, for there is nothing to describe. I could help you understand what it feels like, though, to have absolutely nothing greet you as you look for its brother, something._

 _Crushing._

 _I was, at the moment, robbed of the essential process of breathing, yet, I am certain that if I was breathing I would have stopped._

 _Only one thought drives me as my body, mind and soul all leave me._

 _I needed to get to it._

 _Memories- they define your very existence._

 _They tell you who you loath, and who you love._

My first memory was from the forest where my life began, by the vicious stream and towering trees. The first thing I saw was a part of the azure sky; it was so far away. The sun shone unbelievably bright, and yet, I could only observe so from the small patches in the forest ceiling that allowed me to see _beyond._

The heavy, humid air wrapped its arms around me, and gradually, beads of sweat slid down the sides of my face. The whole forest had life breathed into it, I observed, but only if you bothered to look close enough.

Tiny insects, of all sorts of different shades and sizes, crawl lazily around me.

 _Where am I?_

The reflection in the nearby muddy pond introduced me to someone I knew not. Confused teal eyes stared back at me, and long strands of golden hair extended down my bare back.

A calm, collected expression lingered atop my face, yet a calamity of emotions erupted within. The vacuum of sounds that surrounded me was beginning to drive me insane.

I was upset, but _why?_

Anger and unrest was rampant within me, and yet the only thing that I _did_ know was that I knew nothing. I arose from my calm abode, impatiently wanting to discover the root of my annoyance.

The mud was moist, and my footprints became apparent as I ventured even further. Grimacing, I pushed leaves and branches out of my way, surprised that the whole vicinity was occupied with endless greenery, not a sign of human presence other than my own.

With humungous diameters, the round barks of the trees rose and divided into thin, delicate branches all around me. Huffing, I wrapped my arms around the bare body that exposed me to the air around. Vulnerable and confused- that was how I felt.

I knew not who I was, nor where I was. It was tragic; no nameless girl would be sought out. Hope was present that there was someone that knew me, and was looking for me. Yet, how _could_ someone know me when I did not know myself?

My ears perked up as a strange sound rung through the silence in the sky, breaking it. Not caring about the noise I made, I sprinted, determination shining in my eyes. In the corner of my eye, I saw animals flinching away at the sight of me, but I gave no care in the world.

Finally, what faced me was a sheet of vines, each one tangled with another. It blocked my path, and so, without so much as another glance in its direction I grabbed the first sharp stone I could spot and began to attempt to tear it down.

"Get a hold of yourself," I spoke silently, narrowing my eyes. "Whoever _you_ are."

It was the worst feeling, really, not being able to trust yourself. You must have wondered how such an atrocity may be possible, but it may be easy for you to do so, only because you know enough about yourself.

It was almost as if I believed I would find a piece of myself beyond that obstacle.

Instead, what I discovered was a rather peculiar array of objects.

An artistically decorated notebook- paint, exotic feathers on the plain brown cover.

An intricate, exquisitely painted box- it couldn't be opened.

A double-sided cloak- silk from one side, and velvet from the other.

My first move? I hastily covered my body with the cloak, and proceeded to then spend what felt like hours attempting to crack open the box, but to no avail. All that remained now was the notebook, and unconsciously, I held my breath in anticipation to the answers that I intended to reveal.

 _One._

 _Two._

 _Three._

Swiftly, I tore open the book of mystery, only to be greeted by blankness. Panic clear in my eyes, I began to maniacally flip the pages- beginning to end. Quickly, a small note fell from the confine of the pages, and carefully, I lifted it close to my eyes, squinting. On the thin material, words greeted me in a familiar language.

"Arishima Shiori," I read softly, rolling the (presumed) name over my tongue. "That's what I'm called, huh?"

I continued my search.

One page, somewhere around the middle contained a painting, one which had many people in it. Carefully made strokes of many colours laced the page, making the grinning faces of those that I could not recognize. Set in front of the sun, still, the painter opted for their shine to be brighter, and so that was how I saw it that day- four different faces that reached me.

The innocence of the short male, the determination of the androgynous blonde one, the mischievous, knowing smirk of the albino, and the clumsy, close-eyed grin of the tallest of them- I had seen it _all_ before!

 _Where?_

With my teeth gritted together; I pushed myself off the ground and onto my knees, anger flaring up. It made no sense! I couldn't remember anyone or anything, and I was stranded somewhere secluded, cut off from anyone that could have helped me.

Slowly, tears of rage began to slide down my (soon) damp cheeks, and I fell down to the mud around me, marring my fair skin. The world began to sob with me, the occasional whimper thundering around me.

"IS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE?!"

No answer.

My breathing began to calm down, and my eyes soon turned maniacal with undying waves of resentment.

Near me, a dirty puddle of rainwater caught my attention. Something was different from before.

Crawling pitifully through slippery, wet soil, I reached my destination, and looked down at the tiny, diluted pond of rainwater. Glaring back at me, were pools of outrage.

Blood scarlet, red pools of outrage- _my eyes._

As if the weight of the sky had been dropped on my shoulders, I gasped suddenly, memories flooding my panicked mind. Faces, events, people, names, antagonists, protagonists- all of which had been observed from behind a screen a lifetime ago.

 _Hunter X Hunter._

 **. . .**

 **Wow.**

 **So, what did you guys think? Obviously, this prologue is basically just an introduction filled with foreshadowing. What are your predictions for this? I haven't worked on all of the details so I might even be considering predictions for actual events. ;)**

 **Next installment will probably arrive in a few days- I'm already half done! *pat herself on back***

 **AHHH! Please give me your feedback; I'm secretly a leech that lives off of the comments of absolute strangers.**

 **Please?**


	2. Chapter 1

**I'm extremely sorry that this chapter was so short- I planned for around 3,000, but I felt that it was complete.**

 **I'm going to make the next one longer!**

 **Enjoy!**

 _It was effortless, almost, to accept my new reality._

 _It might seem impossible to understand for someone like you, but the fact is that for me, it was all I knew._

 _I was aware of so many things that I shouldn't have known of._

 _I didn't dwell on how._

 _I would never receive the answer if I did._

Once more, the day began and ended.

The mountain whose echoes haunted my dreams now became my isolated abode. The companions- my thoughts- often conversed with me all day long.

I felt from observing my interactions with the villagers that one could grow tired of another's company.

During the time of the blackness, I would mute my endless spiral of destruction and just stare at the stars. They were so familiar, and that instantly allowed me to relax around them. There were so many littering the sky, illuminating, that I wondered if any could be spared for us on Earth.

Of course, I was not living a life of ignorance nor idiocy, and realized the scientific impossibilities.

Within a circle of haphazardly strewn around books- this is how I was to be found during most afternoons. It had taken me a full year to adapt to the strange language so different from the one I was acquainted with but, once I had, reading and writing only took a matter of months.

Time- it was all you needed to achieve the desirable.

Or, rather, what was within your grasp. The notebook of mysteries had not sent another revelation and so, for so many days I would just stare. Eyes lingering on every finer detail of the ones in the painting, I revised every fact that I knew daily.

A roughened, parchment remained the preserver of my sanity. Messily scribbled diagrams that connected events and characters, and elaborate sketches of symbols and places- these had all been fruits of my labour. It surprised me at first, how I knew so much about a timeline that had been untouched.

At first, doubt did rise in my suspicious mind, but was soon erased. Painful reminders were a part of my experience every weekly visit to the prosperous village nearby.

I squinted my eyes as the observance of the sun's position once more ignited an agitated sneeze on my behalf. It was just about the time of the day to take another visit to the noisy home of the traders, fighters and farmers.

Xuyang- a place brimming with pretenses and pride. The continuously growing, prosperous area overlooked the towering mountain that was my home. Asymmetrical, customary buildings, with their traditional architecture were varying in size.

The smaller, unique homes were scattered around the city, and there existed no concept of separate residential and commercial areas. Each had identically eccentric windows- trademarks of their heritage- existing in different shapes and sizes- flowers, mountains, even eyes. It was from such oddly shaped, infamous creations of glass that I received the usual scrutiny-laden, discriminatory glares.

Then, were the various, rather omnipresent stalls on the streets; blinding colours, flowing banners, and sly scammers were everywhere. Their repetitive scams were painfully monotonous, and with time, I, along with the rest of the indigenous populations, had learnt to tune out their hollers and shouts of shady bargains. Still, they had good merchandise and food.

The few, palace-like structures that laced the exterior of dingier constructions were one of two of the rarest sort of buildings in the area- residences of the affluent, or religious and cultural gathering centres for all. Outsiders like myself would do well to make themselves scarce in these establishments.

Then, placed in the centre of the village like a core that provided life to the rest of the establishments was my threatening destination, the fighting arena for the brutish residents. Of course I understood your confusion, but understand that I was nothing like any of them.

My petite, agile frame hidden by a velvety red cloak seemed vulnerable surrounded by the massive builds of barbarians that arrived from within the walls of Xuyang and neighboring territories. Scowls and smirks were the only expressions found and immediately, my awkward grimace caught the eye of drinking women in the corner of the large hall.

 _The money better be worth it._

I strode confidently to the sickly-looking, bony man in smack middle of the largest ring around, a conceited smile now lacing my foreign features. I shed my cloak to reveal a black, silky one piece comprised of baggy sleeves and flowing pants.

"Sign me up, mister." I commanded the man rather forcefully, talking over to where he stood.

He shrugged, and though he was clearly fazed, concern was not something present in snake-like eyes. "You better know what you're signing up for."

Soon, after a relentless few minutes compromised of constant fidgeting, I was summoned to the ring. I eyed the small, pitiful crowd and sighed. They usually began to gather around us like wild animals after the first match.

A throat is obnoxiously cleared. "On one side we have our incredible veteran, Xi Han, who I'm sure a lot of you ladies are rooting for!" Cue dramatic wink to the drunk women hooting loudly in competition of the good looking man's attention.

"And, on the other side, we have our mysterious out-of-town girl!" I resisted the temptation to lecture the referee about the art of introductions.

"Let the match commence!"

For a few moments I just stood there- back straightened, eyes blank, and body still. I decided against the usage of my nen. (Or, as I preferred to refer to it, the bastard love child of too much time and knowledge.)

I looked up only to catch a painful eyeful of Han twisting his body into what I supposed was a seductive dance for his fangirls who were gradually increasing in number. I massaged my head tiredly, convinced that I did not have enough time to bear with such antics.

My slow, light steps went unnoticed by everyone until it was too late. Not even the warning shrieks of Han's loyal subjects could allow him to dodge the swift, powerful punch that I threw in the direction of his face.

His heavy frame is thrown across the ring and over to the bar where the complaints of the many shocked customers are made clear. The crowd went wild, and suddenly humongous bets are being made and ridiculous rumors are being made.

"I heard that she was found by a legendary Monk and blessed on the top of the peak of Mount Yang."

"No, no! That lady over there swears she saw some demons summoning her from the underworld."

"I bet she's just a bitter ex-girlfriend of poor Han."

I threw my head back and gave a hearty, bitter laugh.

It was going to be a long hour.

Several limp bodies later, I walked through the crowd towards the exit, satisfied with the heavy bags of gold coins that I held in my clenched hands. As I wore the cloak that lay untouched by the crowd (they had learnt their lesson from previous experiences), I hung the three small, bountiful bags on the small hooks I had attached on the inside of my cloak, the strong, velvety cloth supporting it.

On the inside of my head, I made a mental checklist for the items that I wished to purchase: a plain bag, more books, and some clothes. Still, even I knew that such was only an excuse for me to visit the village- what I really wanted was something untouchable, and something that I would look down on in regular circumstances.

 _Local gossip._

I needed to obtain information about the Hunter exam, and the people in the village were my only choice. That very day, several were to arrive- I was waiting. It wasn't that I desired to become stronger; the exam was my stepping down toward an answer.

Why was I here?

My only link to such a world was my memory of _that_ exam, and whether or not I actually believed that it would change anything, it was my only choice. Though my mind wondered to other topics, my legs never dared to stray a single step from the path that I had chosen.

Perhaps for that moment the path only pointed toward the shabby abode of the information broker in a strict town with tight lipped folk, but with those measured steps that I took, I directed myself on a path in life that would be filled with much hurt and regret.

With my usual black jumpsuit and red cloak worn, new canvas sack bag hung over my drooped shoulders, and lustful look given to the precious books that I was leaving behind, I decided not to look behind; surely Past held the ability to forever trap us within her killer claws.

I had waited too long for this.

My mind lingered over the endless hours I had spent in the dim cave that I now left behind, and I knew that the many traps that I had left were no means to keep out strangers, but only to leave behind broken remnants of my presence.

Once summer and winter passed, nature would dismissively cover up my existence, and once more no place would remain _mine._ Frightened, heart broken, and shaky- I was all of this, but so much more.

The harsh winds that blew across my face paled in comparison to the tornados of emotion that continued to destroy my insides; I hoped that the years of knowledge that had been gathered on leaves and then parchment, and then stored in a small corner of the universe would leave some mark for me so that I would not be forgotten.

Before leaving, I slowly roamed the forest- the one that had been my only companion. Small animals scurried about, and the trees seemed to rise high enough to touch the sky.

The seeds were crushed by the suffocating earth, and then gathered just enough determination to grow so far towards the azure ceiling- the sky- that they could start anew. The open ended sky that could lead anywhere- did being surrounded by it ever allow you to forget? Could such days where the weight of the world was pressed against your vulnerable and weak self ever be forgotten?

I walked for many hours in the direction of a port that I had only ever heard of with doubtful ears, and processed my surroundings with sharp eyes. The trees changed into grasslands after the journey that had pushed the sun below and brought about the moon came to a small close.

As I lay onto the bare floor that was laced with rocks and pebbles, I stared up at the stars in the sky. I thought back to the trees.

 _Even you wouldn't be able to reach those._

 **. . .**

 **;)**

 **Shout out to XYukichix, naritaluv, an for the follows! I really appreciate it!**

 **Reply:**

 **Guest: Well, I haven't really decided yet. Do you have anyone in mind? ^^**

 **Until next time!**

 **(Please leave reviews!)**

 **-DeceivingAura**


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